What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 09:00
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Do you agree with Kamala Harris that Donald Trump is dangerous?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Google’s Gemini AI will summarize PDFs for you when you open them - The Verge
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What's your favorite stupid joke?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And i lived it daily.
Put me off passion for life!!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
How can someone get patrons on Patreon if they are a beginner artist?
So, i spoilt her more .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why do men think I’m easy just by looking at me?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What are some photos of masturbation?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
All the time i was locked up.
What is your twin flame story?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He knew the spot.
She found it foreign!.
Why do doctors refuse HRT to menopausal women but hand them out to trans people?
My life is so biszare .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
How do I rat my boss out for serial cheating on his wife?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But, we were locked up after school.
We were not on the streets..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Who then, do I blame.?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
When she asked me how she looked .
(And it was in our own minds.)
It was going to be , some day.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was seconnd youngest,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I will be 64.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What did i know ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One cannot live in the past .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was in good health!
I think the readers, may guess!
So whats the point in blame.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She wouldn,t have been !
I waited trembling.
I was scared of men, in general
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I don,t even have a pension.
She loved him until the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But it wasn’t much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I said to her
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We all went to grammer schools
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was 9 years of age.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im still living with it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
This is soul school!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But ive been too sick for many years..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My family never makes their pension either.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Would this be the day?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She married twice! .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I have no regrets .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was very sick at this time too.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Ive learnt so much.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I write beautiful poetry .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.